‘The smell of the green’ - 3rd July 2020

How to handle negative situations

This is a story from 10 years ago, and I kind of didn’t want to remember it, as I thought that that was the darkest moment of my life that I better leave it buried as it is. Simply it was a painful era that I wish I didn’t have in my life, I wish nobody would want to experience such an era.

Though, recently I came across someone who was going through a grief moment for losing his mother, I don’t know why, but this story came up to my mind as if something was urging me to tell this story to this person. After I thought it through for a day, I decided to write.

Here is what I wrote from my memory.

I had a friend who lost his mother when they were traveling together through India toward Nepal. She was a single mum, and he was the only her son, they were very close like best friends to each other. So both went on this trip together, then this car accident happened one misty day on the way to Nepal. My friend, her son was saved luckily but he lost her mother from the cliff. He saw all when and how she died. And the memory of it haunted him for a real long time along with regret, anger, frustration, helplessness all kinds of excess emotions that he could not handle. So he came back to his country once, but he could not cope with staying in his house alone any longer.

He said. His mother was a painter, she did lots of colorful abstract paintings. So he said, he knew she has gone logically, but at that house, he could still feel the presence of her through those paintings. So soon after he left his country, I remember he was saying, only he could think of, was going to India, where she wanted to explore, so he left for India. He didn’t come back for three years since. 

When I met him, it was the time I was really lost since my ex-husband disappeared and I was in this middle of nowhere in a foreign country, holding my little son. And I had this lots of anger, sadness, broken-hearted at that time, and I didn’t know anybody close enough to talk to nearby. Through friends’ friends’ home party or so, we met, and I guess, somebody mentioned about my status or so, he invited me to his workshop that he is organizing. Yes, he became a Yoga teacher after spending three years at a temple in India. 

This workshop that he was organizing was, the weirdest workshop I have ever been, at the same time, it was the most powerful. It started at 6 am in the morning for 2 hours. So I went there, it was in the basement, completely pitch-black. Further at the entrance, they ask me to cover my eyes with fabric. Then inside the room, you can feel there are roughly 10 people or so through the air. Then, out of sudden, hard aggressive music started, then those moaning, shouting, the noise of punching the air, all kinds of weird and dark negative voices you could hear. I was paralleled at first. But at that time as my life was so in a mess and I was lost so I thought it was the best place to be. Or say, anyway, I opened up, I started, as I could hear, swearing, screaming, all kinds of worst things that I can think of, I shouted. That is how 2 hours went, and really literally time flew. And toward the end of the session, a mysterious thing happened. Something was so taken out of my heart. I can not explain verbally enough, as it was more like on a physical level. Truly it was like a hoover effect, taking all inside out. And taking off my fabric from my eyes, the organizer opened the windows. What happened? Such a bunch of negative swearing people like us was simply normal people that we can see everywhere. I mean, 8 in the morning. So some are even wearing suits after taking a shower in the studio, ready to work.

Later on, my friend (the guy who lost his mother) said to me, ‘You know, all the emotions are exactly the same, negative or positive, all are energy, and excess emotions are like a poo, has to be taken out. The way you take out is up to you though’. What he said, how he dealt his grief toward his mother, how he started to heal people in this manner, did inspired me, and saved me and sustained me for the next 5 years of seeing things through to come afterward.

A couple of weeks later after I wrote this memory and the person thanked me for telling this story I realized that my perception of this uncomfortable memory has shifted. Unexpectedly, by seeing this person appreciated me for telling this story, I kind of realized that I could reflect my past calmly in a different light, and realized that we can transform even a painful memory into a learning lesson and make it useful to support others.

Take care of yourself, take care of your heart, take care of your kindness!

A workshop `Time capsule` project is OPEN now!

If you are interested in, please check out the page `Time Capsule` 

I would love to get to know you a bit better, and explore your dreamscape!

I will be a listener for your story!

Please check out this page ’ memory-bank’ also for a question list, if you are interested in a session with me!

‘The ant adventure on the green field’ - 3rd July 2020